


Ultimate AU

by djinmer4



Category: X-Men (Ultimateverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 06:46:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17218922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/djinmer4/pseuds/djinmer4
Summary: Here's the actual Ultimate AU that was written a while after the Lovecraft one.  This was partially an attempt to see if I could write a redemption arc for a character who people really hated in this universe.  The other part was to make a very bad joke at the end.





	1. Transfer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mikeellee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikeellee/gifts).



Kitty looked down at the letter in her hand. This was the opportunity she’d been waiting for. Now she just had to be brave enough to take it.  


* * *

“-can’t say I blame them. They don’t have good memories of this place and if they feel safer with you, they’re free to go with my blessing.” Scott turned from Emma Frost to Kitty as she entered the room. “You’re late.”

“I’m sorry,” she tucked her hair behind her ears. “I got a letter that may affect our discussion here. Excalibur, the superhero team in Europe, has invited me to join their organization. I’m taking them up on the offer.”

“Congratulations,” said the White Queen.

“I can’t say I’m happy to lose you,” replied Summers. “Is there nothing I can do to make you stay?”

“I’m sorry, Scott, but I’ve thought about this for a long time. Balancing missions, my education, training the newbies and being the PR spokeswoman for the X-Men, it’s too much. I’m afraid I’m going to have a nervous breakdown before I even reach twenty.”

“Most of that won’t go away if you join Excalibur.”

“But some of it will. They’re not expecting me to train entire classes of newly expressed mutants for one. And it’ll take some of the celebrity pressure off too. There I’ll only be one out of a crowd with Captain Britain and Capitan Espana and whoever they get to fill France and Germany’s places. And just by being in Europe, people are less likely to care.”

“It’s your decision. Will you be going by yourself or can you take some students with you?”

Kitty sat down. “They’ve given me almost complete carte blanche. They did say I shouldn’t bring Piotr though. Interpol wants to charge him for what he did when he was part of the Mafiya. If he comes with me, Excalibur will turn him over to them.”

“He can’t cut a deal?” asked Cyclops.

“He was only an  _avtoritet_ , whatever that means. Not high enough to have any information they’re willing to deal for.”

“I guess that’s fine. He was willing to stay with the school anyway so that doesn’t change anything.” The ruby-eyed man set a stack of profiles on the table. “Let’s get started. Firestar.”

“She can stay with you,” stated Emma. “The Academy may not differentiate between mutants and humans but we do have standards. Miss Allen has shown she has the improper attitude to join our school.”

“On to the next one then,” he picked up the next profile. “Jimmy says he hasn’t decided. Is there anyone who doesn’t want him?”

“He’s welcome to join the Academy at any time.”

“Kitty? If you want, I’ll tell him you never want to see him again.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m over it. If he wants to join Excalibur, he can come with me.”

“Are you sure? He did dump you in a pretty awful manner.”

“Yeah, but that turned out to be Jean manipulating him. I’m not going to jump back into a relationship with him just like that, but I’m not angry at him anymore.”

“You should tell him that. He’s been really broken up about it.”

She hesitated. “I’ll text him later. Who’s next?”

“Pyro.” Scott quickly took the folder off the table. “Nope, I’m keeping him. He’s a good recruiter, a good trainer and hopefully, he’ll stick around after he graduates. I need all the good teachers I can get.” The two women just laughed.

“Next is Bishop. Still in jail. Not likely to be released anytime soon. Moving on.”

“Dazzler and Angel have stated they want to stay with the X-Men but would also accept being moved to the Academy. Emma, what are your thoughts?”

“Dazzler is fine, but Angel’s already played mole at my Academy once before. He’s not welcome to return.”

“They’ll stay with me then.” Another profile. “Rogue. She’s specifically stated she doesn’t want to be anywhere near you, Kitty.”

The Jewish girl made a frustrated hissing sound. “I don’t even like Bobby and I certainly don’t encourage him. It’s not my fault he can’t take a hint. And I’m not taking him either.”

“Emma, he might do better with his attitude at the Academy.”

“If you like I can test and interview both of them. But based at least on what I’ve seen of Bobby, he doesn’t meet our academic standards.”

“If they fail out of your program, they’ll stay with the X-Men then.” There were only four profiles left. “Beast and Ororo both want to leave-” Emma grabbed the two folders. “Accepted with pleasure!”

“Oookaaayyy then. Now for Jean. She’s definitely not staying with the X-Men. Wolverine’s already tried to kill me and I’m not interested in working with the woman who cheated on me when we were engaged.”

“I’m not taking her either,” announced Kitty. “I don’t even know why she hates me but I’m not putting up with her hostility or bullying.”

Emma just looked thoughtful. “Do you think I should-”

“No!” Both Kitty and Scott exclaimed. Scott continued, “I’ll just fire both of them. They’re very high profile, they can fend for themselves.”

“It’s kind of you,” Kitty reassured the older woman. “But Jean has a history of undermining authority figures and she’s not any less dangerous for losing her attack dog. Your diamond form gives you some protection from Jean’s telepathy but you can’t be like that all the time. It’s better to just be rid of them completely.”

Scott started a new pile for just those two. “Last one. Kitty, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to order you to take this guy, especially since Angel, Colossus, and Dazzler will be staying with me.”

* * *

Weapon XVII flinched when someone sat down across from him. Ever since his breakdown, kidnapping Dazzler, going off on Piotr then abusing the Banshee drug, everyone had been avoiding him. If someone was actually going out of their way to seek him out … either it was someone else who wanted to chastise him for his actions or Scott had finally made up his mind to kick him out of the X-Men. Still, there was no point in running away. He looked up.

Oh God no, it was Kitty. They’d been friends once before he’d gone and alienated everyone. There had been a time when he even had a crush on her and hoped to become more than friends. Then she and Peter fell in love, he kidnapped Dazzler and Kitty rescued her from him. Kitty hadn’t spoken a word to him after that fiasco. “Katherine. What can I do for you?” He kept his voice as neutral as possible.

“Oh, so you can speak English.” She sat down across from him.

“I’ve been practicing ever since the disaster with Banshee. I’m pretty sure Scott’s had it up to here with Logan and Jean, and if Jean leaves, so does the translation function in my brain.”

“Have you heard the rumors about the team disbanding?”

He swallowed. “Yes, I have.” The possibility of the X-Men dissolving had been preying on his mind lately, making it difficult to sleep at night. With Professor Xavier dead, he didn’t know who would be the leader now or where the funding would come from or if they all were allowed to stay here. Nightcrawler had nowhere to go other than the X-Men. He couldn’t even begin to figure out where the circus he had originally been from was or hope to find the little German town he’d grown up in. And the US was definitely growing more and more unsafe for visible mutants like him. Maybe Emma Frost could use another bodyguard?

“Well, let me put some of those fears to rest. The X-Men will be continuing. Scott has stepped up to be the leader of both the team and the school. We’re getting a grant from the government, plus most of our backers have returned. And Professor X put the Estate in a Trust to run the school so everything will continue, albeit with fewer teachers sleeping with the students hopefully.”

The Weapon let out a sigh of relief. The Sword of Damocles had been lifted away. Then he tensed up again. Just because the X-Men were still around, didn’t mean he was wanted. “Scott’s going to announce the good news tomorrow. However, there’s some bad news as well. There’s going to be a lot of reorganization. Logan and Jean were fired. Hank and Ororo are transferring to the Academy of Tomorrow.” She looked him straight in the eye. “I’m leaving for Excalibur at the end of the month. You’re coming with me.”

It took him a few minutes to process. “ _Vas?”_

 _“_ I said that you’ll be accompanying me to Excalibur. Angel, Colossus, and Dazzler, they all expressed a desire not to work with you. So you’ll be coming with me and some of the students to join the European Union superhero team.”

“Ah, um,  _danke.”_

She leaned forward. “Make no mistake. This is your last chance. If you fuck this up, Excalibur will hand you over to Interpol or the CIA or even Department K without any hesitation. And you will be watched very carefully to see if you’ve recovered from your instability earlier.”

It was still better than being locked in a cage or thrown out on the street. “I understand.”

Kitty returned to her meal. “I suggest you start packing and making any arrangements soon because we’ve got less than two weeks before Excalibur comes to pick us up. Officially, the X-Men will be sending some students to study abroad with Shroud and Nightcrawler as the course leaders. In reality, you’ll be my subordinate. Can you handle that?”

“Yes. You’re a good leader. And it’s Kurt.”

“What’s Kurt?”

“My name.”

She stared at him. “You remember your name now?”

“Well no. But you can’t keep calling me Weapon-XVII or Nightcrawler all the time. Or Legolas, no matter what I’d prefer. So Kurt. It’s a common German name so it won’t stand out, it’s easy to remember and short too. What’s not to like about it?”

“Hmm, fair enough.” She thought about it for a second. “You might as well choose a last name too. Make things easier for Jamie when he does the paperwork.”

“In that case … Wagner. Spelled with a W. You can call me Kurt Wagner.”

She arched an eyebrow at him. “Pronounced like a V and spelled with a W. Less easy.”

“But also very common. Perhaps not as common as Muller or Schmidt or Schneider. But Kurt Wagner sounds real enough without being an obvious alias like John Doe.”

“Very well then. I’ll see you later, Kurt Wagner.”

* * *

The last of the students had boarded the Blackbird and there was just her and Kurt on the tarmac when Kitty heard someone shouting, “Wait! Wait!” She turned and there was Jimmy Hudson running up. He had a suitcase, duffle, backpack and was clearly ready to go with them. Kurt stepped between them. Kitty had said things were fine with Logan’s son but Kurt was taking no chances.

“Jimmy? I thought you weren’t going to come with us.”

“I-I,” he took a moment to catch his breath. “I procrastinated on my decision until the last minute. But I don’t want to stay here. I’d trust Mr. Summers with my life, but it can’t be easy teaching the son of the guy who tried to kill you. Not to mention Jean cheated on him with me. Even if I was mind-controlled, the whole situation’s just awkward.” He smiled up at her boyishly. “Can I come with you?”

Kurt half-hoped she would say no. But Kitty just waved her hand at the blonde and let him board. “You’re going to have to sort out the paperwork with Jamie when we get there.”

“My fault for being such a slug about it.”


	2. First Days

“I would have appreciated the warning that you were bringing another person along.” James frowned at Kitty, Kurt, and Jimmy.

“It’s my fault,” Jimmy said. “I literally joined as they were on the tarmac, about to leave.”

“Fortunately, unlike some others,” dark eyes shifted their glance to the Weapon. “There are no objections to your presence here. You will have to spend a couple of hours filling out paperwork though.”

At that moment, a beautiful blonde woman walked in, carrying said pile of paperwork. “Thanks, Meggan. Have you seen to the rest of the students?”

She nodded. “They all seemed pretty jetlagged, so I guided them to their rooms and let them sleep it off. We can do tours and orientation tomorrow.”

“Good idea,” James waved over to Kitty and Kurt. “This is Shroud, Kitty Pryde, and Nightcrawler, Kurt Wagner. They’re the senior members of the X-Men that got sent with the students. Please show them to their rooms. Don’t worry about Wolverine, I’ll take him to his after he’s done filling out all the paperwork.”

She nodded and guided them out. Kurt took the opportunity to try to make a good impression. “You got our names,  _fraulein,_ but we didn’t get yours.” He picked up her hand and kissed it.

The woman wrenched her hand away. “The name’s Meggan Braddock, aka Gloriana, and I’m married.”

“Meggan?” Kitty put her hand lightly on the woman’s arm before she punched the other X-Man across the room. “You’re Brian’s wife?”

Distracted the blonde turned to the brunette. “Yes, how did you know?”

Kitty smiled. “Brian wrote a lot about you in his letters. How is he by the way? I knew he’d be busy after the attacks, but I was surprised when Jamie was the one who contacted me again.”

The other slumped, her skin turning a sallow tone, her hair darkening, and everything, her hair, her head, her shoulders drooped. “After the attack … he slipped into a coma. When the doctors were checking him over … they found metastasized cancer in all his organs. He hasn’t woken up since then … and the doctors think he won’t wake up again before he dies.”

As Kurt climbed down from the top of the pillar he had bamfed to, he could see Kitty’s face clearly. Shock, horror then deep sadness passed over her features. “I’m sorry Meggan. Is there any way I could see him?”

“He’s not going to know you’re there.”

“I know. But after all the advice he gave me, I feel it’s the least I could do.” The shapeshifter offered a weak smile. “I’m going by this afternoon. I’ll wake you up to go with me.”

Gloriana stopped at a door in the corridor. “This will be Nightcrawler’s room.” The German nodded but didn’t say anything. He’d stuck his foot in his mouth enough today. He quickly went in while Gloriana and Shroud continued down the hall.

* * *

Kurt didn’t know what to do. As her bodyguard, he’d accompanied Shroud and Gloriana to the hospital, but he didn’t actually know the guy and didn’t have the attachment the other two women did. He stayed out in the hall until Meggan ran out of the room. Worried, he looked in. Kitty was still there, in the chair farther from the bed, looking very sad. “Katz-Ms. Pryde? Is everything alright?”

“It’s fine Kurt. Meggan just got overwhelmed and needed to cry everything out.”

Kurt came over to stand by Kitty. “How did you meet this person? I don’t recall ever seeing him visit the mansion.”

“I met him when I received my Presidential medal. He was at the ceremony and we talked during the reception. He invited me to write to him … and things kept going haywire over here so I did. He gave me a lot of good advice.” Unsaid went the fact she didn’t have anyone to turn to for that among the X-Men.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For … being part of the problem?”

Kitty looked down at the motionless man on the bed. “Saying your sorry doesn’t help. Find some way to either fix the problem or make up for the damage if you really want to help.”

Meggan walked back in at that point and Kurt resumed his post in the hall.

* * *

“Okay, I don’t know how you got away with those costumes with the X-Men, but they’re not acceptable for Excalibur.”

Kurt and Kitty looked at what they were wearing. Kurt was in the X-Men outfit, blue so dark it was almost black and blending into his fur and topped with a gold V. Kitty was in her black bodysuit with the mask and the pink belt. “What’s wrong with what we’re wearing?” asked Kitty.

“Excalibur is an international military organization. We’re not quite as strict as regular armies but we do have some regulations. First, you have to have a certain amount of skin covered.”

“My skin is covered!” said Kurt. “It’s not my fault the color of my fur happens to match my uniform!” Jamie reached out and felt around his neck, wrists, and ankles. Standing up he nodded. “Alright, Nightcrawler you pass that rule. Shroud, your shoulders need to be covered. Cap sleeves would be sufficient, half sleeves preferred unless you have a compelling reason not to.”

“What about her?” Kurt pointed to Meggan, who was currently working a punching bag.

Jamie didn’t bother to turn around to see who Kurt was pointing to. “Gloriana has special dispensation as a shapeshifter. Her clothing needs to be loose and minimal to accommodate her power. The same dispensation was given to the student Rahne Sinclair.”

“Second, you need to be able to see.” Pointed glance at Kitty’s hat. Exasperated, she took it off and held it up to Jamie’s face. “Alright, yes, I see. Or rather, you can see, despite appearances.” Thus answering a question Kurt had always had about Kitty’s outfit.

“Third, you need to be able to run around. Kitty, those flat boots are fine, Nightcrawler … why aren’t you wearing any shoes?”

“They interfere with my powers.”

“How on earth would shoes interfere with teleporting?”

“Not the teleportation, climbing.” Kurt bamfed over to the side of the room then scrambled up the wall and onto the ceiling. Jamie sighed and nodded. “Alright, another dispensation for you then.”

“Finally the uniform needs to provide protection against small arms fire and knives. Neither of yours does that.” Kurt was about to demonstrate that his did, when Kitty interrupted. “I can change my density to either resist attacks or let them pass through me. Do I still need the Kevlar suit?”

“Is your power automatic or does it need conscious activation?”

“Er, activated.”

“Then yes, you still need the armor because you can be taken by surprise or knocked out and be left vulnerable. I’ll have Meggan or Capitan Espana come by this afternoon to kit you out.”

Later that evening after dinner, Kurt knocked on Kitty’s door. “Hey?” she asked when she opened the door.

“I was wondering if I could see- what did you do to your hair?”

“I had Meggan cut it for me.” She ran her right hand through the short locks. “This will work better with my new uniform.”

“Right, that’s what I came by for. I wanted to see your new outfit.”

“Sure. Just sit down and wait.” She dashed into the attached bathroom with a bundle of clothing. When she came out, Kurt was surprised. Her new uniform looked nothing like what she’d worn with the X-Men or when she was running around with the spider freak. Instead of a thin black bodysuit, she had a thicker but still fairly light white jumpsuit. Instead of the honestly weird blue mask/hat combo, she had a full-face white mask instead. She topped all of it with a full length dark red robe.

“You look … “  _Older. Scarier. Sadder. Not like yourself_. “Intimidating.”

“Good, that’s exactly the way I want to look. I was tired of having to always pretend I’m harmless with the X-Men. And this stuff is so neat! The fabric of the jumpsuit is heavier than I was used to, but I can still move around and despite being so thin, it can resist bullets! I got to see a demonstration while I was down there. It’s also one of those temperature control fabrics so I don’t get too hot or too cold on missions!”

“Sounds great. So why do you need the coat then?”

“A few reasons. First, in hand to hand combat, I can create blind spots with it.” He arched one eyebrow at her. “Or at least that was what Jimmy said when he helped me pick it out.” Of course. She did say there were no hard feelings over their breakup, it made sense that the two would go back to being good friends even if they weren’t romantically linked yet. “Second, this suit is really form fitting. The jacket hides flaws.”

“You didn’t care when you were younger.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t a celebrity then. Anyway, third, final and most important reason for the coat: pockets!” She laughed at the expression on his face. Despite the mockery, Kurt felt some warmth in his chest. This was the first time she had laughed with him since he kidnapped Dazzler.

“Alright, you’ve sold me on the coat. But I’m surprised they let you pick that mask. Can you see out of it?”

“It’s a bit like my old one but better. I can activate an infrared night vision mode and there’s a built-in gas mask too. Best of all, it covers my entire face!”

Kurt took a moment to think of what to say. “You really didn’t like being famous in the US, did you?”

Kitty took off the mask and sat down on the mattress. “I hated it. I hated the fact that my every move was being watched, that my every word was being reported. I hated that I couldn’t walk down the street without at least three people recognizing me every ten minutes. Some wanted autographs, some wanted pictures, a lot of them wanted to kill me.” She looked him in the eye. “I know it’s nothing compared to what you went through but I just wanted to go to a place where I could be me and not Kitty Pryde, Savior of Mutantkind.”

Two years ago he would have gone over to the bed and taken her in his arms to comfort her. Now he was just left with empty words. “I … I hope you’ve found that place now.”

“I do too.”

* * *

Nightcrawler headed down to Excalibur’s version of the Danger Room. Kitty had asked him to meet her there after all classes were over. When he entered, he saw her and Jimmy Hudson talking. They were just finishing as he opened the door so he didn’t hear any of their conversation. But he could see Kitty’s face as Jimmy said goodbye. She was smiling and happy and it reminded him of better days.

Kurt resisted the urge to punch the young man in the face when he exited the Danger Room. He was still under probation, he could not afford to pick fights with his co-workers. But everything seemed to be handed to the new Wolverine on a silver platter, it was hard for Nightcrawler not to resent the Golden Boy.

It was not helped by the fact that the smile had dropped off Kitty’s face by the time he’d reached her. So much for hoping it would just be a midnight Danger Room roleplay.

She didn’t waste time with courtesies. “There’s something I want you to do for me.”

“What?”

Her gaze was steady and clear. “I want you to teach me how to fight.”

“But surely-” he stopped. No, he had never seen Kitty in any of the combat classes with the X-Men. Not the ones he had taught nor the ones he had demonstrated for. He’d never even seen her when popping in for a quick errand or to deliver a message. In fact, he’d never even seen her use the Danger Room for training. She’d been there, playing around with him and Piotr and Alison and he’d seen her use it as a dance studio a few times, but never for combat.

“No, I haven’t. The contract my mother wrote out with Xavier was very clear. No combat training at all or she’d pull me straight out of the program. I was to be taught normal classes and how to control my power and that was it.”

“ _War sie verrückt?_ She wanted you to live in the US and not be able to defend yourself?”

Kitty smiled bitterly. “Unlike you, I can easily pass for a norm. She wanted me to learn just enough to not give myself away then come home and bury that part of myself for the rest of my life. That’s why I waited until I was twenty-one to accept Excalibur’s offer, moved all my stuff out months before leaving the X-Men, and made sure that all my contacts and financial information were out of her control before moving across the ocean. I even made sure Excalibur would pay all my debts and foot my college education as part of my signing package with them. I didn’t even tell her when I was gone.”

That was pretty extreme. “Maybe I’m not the right person for this, but aren’t you worried about cutting ties to your family in such a drastic manner?”

“No. Did you ever talk to Bobby about what his parents did to him after he expressed the X-Gene? I’m not leaving her any strings to pull.”

Kurt looked at her helplessly. He didn’t know what to say to change her mind or even if he should. He knew he wanted desperately to connect to the family he hadn’t seen since he was twelve, but this wasn’t his family, it was hers. Nightcrawler decided to change the subject. “Surely Peter and Jimmy taught you some things during your relationships.”

“Of course they did. I can take a punch or throw one or kick someone easily enough. But that was just fragments. I’ve never had a chance to go through a real program so all my fighting techniques are really just street brawling with no strategy behind them. I need to do better than that if I want to survive.”

That was a good call on her part. But Kurt had one last doubt. “Why are you asking me? I’m sure Wolverine would be glad to help you out here.”

“Yes, Jimmy was offering to do that just before you came. But,” she took a deep breath. “The problem is that Jimmy’s technique actually is a lot like Logan’s. It’s highly dependent on being able to tank and heal injuries. I can’t do that.”

So she needed someone who had a normal fighting style to teach her. Despite his use of teleportation, Kurt did know how to do that. And yet … “Why not ask Captain Britain or Capitan Espana to train you? Or join one of the Excalibur classes?”

“You really don’t do the ‘leadership thing’ at all, do you? It’s one thing to show weakness or sensitivity. It’s quite another to show one that may get the people who are depending on you killed. The students aren’t going to be very confident if they see one of the squad leaders stumbling around in the kiddy class. And if I ask the captains to train me, they might withdraw the offer. I can trust you with this.”

Well, that put a different spin on things. “I’m honored. Shall we begin tonight?”

She slid herself into a ballet stance. “Whenever you’re ready.”


	3. Substitute

“Last issue on the agenda today.  In about a week, Capitan Espana will be leaving for her home country.  She’ll be gone for two weeks.”  Jamie Braddock was wrapping up the weekly status meeting.

“Is something wrong?” asked Meggan.

“Nothing’s wrong.  Her cousin’s getting married and she’s part of the bridal party, that’s all.  Now, with the new Captains, France and Germany appointed, I’ve already divided up her share of the security duties with them.  We’ve also arranged that she have no public appearances during that time, so no one has to cover any of those PR events.  What hasn’t been allocated are the classes she teaches.  She teaches Ethics 101 and two combat classes.”

“I can take the Ethics class,” volunteered Kitty.  “The computer class I’m currently teaching is really basic and doesn’t take up that much of my time.”

“Do you think we should add a more advanced one to the curriculum?” asked Jamie.

“That’s definitely something to look into.”

“In that case, why don’t I teach the two combat classes?” offered Kurt.  “Like Kitty, I’m only teaching one class right now.”

“That’s because we didn’t want to overwhelm you.”  The bearded man frowned.  “I’ve no qualms letting you teach her advanced class but the other one’s full of amateurs.  Can you dial down the intensity of your training so you don’t hurt them?”  

“I think so.”  Teaching new students had been more Hank and Ororo’s thing but it probably wasn’t that difficult.  He’d probably been lucky that Kitty had asked for some private training though.  At least he’d have some idea of how far the kids could be pushed.

Jamie and Meggan didn’t look convinced.  “Faiza and another observer will monitor that class while you teach it.  If anything goes wrong, she can heal the student immediately.”  Kurt bit back a nasty retort.    Excalibur had even less reason to trust him than the X-Men did.  He shouldn’t be offended that they were putting the students' safety above his own feelings.

* * *

Kurt decided that teaching, actual teaching wasn’t that bad.  Most advanced students already knew what styles, weapons and techniques they would be using out in the real world.  His job there was to refine and improve their strengths and shore up their weaknesses.  Rookie students didn’t have that amount of self-knowledge so instead would be exploring things.  It made the amateur class much more lively, albeit at the cost of having some very strange accidents at times.

He was going to the kitchen for a midnight snack when he heard a noise.  On silent footsteps, he slid to the door and peered in.  There were two figures fumbling about on the prep table but even with his night vision, he couldn’t tell who they were.  He tensed his muscles to get ready to pounce and used his tail to flick on the light.

“Bling.  Mercury.  You do know that’s where we prepare food that people eat, right?”

The two girls looked up from where they had been making out.  Bling had decided to transfer to the Excalibur training program after a few too many assassination attempts in the US.  Mercury was one of the original students who came with Kitty.  Mercury regained her voice first.  “You’re not mad?”

“I am mad.  The two of you aren’t leaving this kitchen until you’ve scrubbed the entire table down.  Also separate detention for both of you for breaking curfew.”  A few steps and Kurt found a bottle of bleach and some clean rags in a lower cabinet.  He held them both out to the two teenagers.

“No, I mean your not screaming about how we’re both going to Hell or anything.”  Bling looked at her girlfriend in surprise, then stepped between Kurt and her, narrowing her grey eyes.

That had been his first instinct but he had enough self-control to stop himself.  Although he supposed it had been too much to hope that the students hadn’t heard about what he had done to Piotr.  “My religion shouldn’t affect how I treat you as a teacher.  I  _have_  learned something over time.”

“So you don’t believe we’re going to Hell or anything?”  He was surprised that Mercury was still speaking.  She was usually the quieter of the two.  But looking at her hand on Bling’s arm, he guessed she was trying to keep things from boiling over.

“Even if I did, I certainly wouldn’t tell you that.”

Bling spoke up for the first time.  “So making us sterilize the table isn’t a punishment?”

“It is a punishment.  It’s a punishment for having sex on a surface that food is prepared on.  I would do the same no matter the gender of the couple I found here.  Now, get scrubbing.”  The two girls took the cleaning supplies and started

* * *

“Well done, by the way.”  Kitty actually smiled at him the next morning.

“What was well done?”  All he’d done this morning so far was get up and brush his teeth.

“The way you dealt with Roxanne and Cessily.”

“How did you- are we being tracked?  How?  These are my own clothes and I wasn’t carrying anything!”

“Biometrics.  It’s 24/7 and yes, everyone is being monitored.  Most of it isn’t viewed and is just archived but an alert went off when you were in the room with students and no one around to supervise.”

“ _Mein Gott_ , no one trusts my teaching skills at all, do they?”

“I did make Jamie aware of some of the issues that have come up.  Mercury and Bling were put on the list of people you might have problems with.  I’m glad to see that you’re starting to overcome some of your biases.”

When she put it that way, it made it difficult to argue with her.  “Still, I would have preferred to be informed that I was going to be monitored.”

She looked puzzled.  “It was in the packet we received.  Did you not read it?”

“It was very long.  And while my ability to read English is getting better, I may have put off completely reading it for a while.”

She nodded.  “I’ll go over it this weekend with you if you want.”  He did.  “That does explain the odd punishment you gave out.”

“There’s nothing strange about making people clean up the mess they made.”

“Not that,” her smile tilted up on one side, more humorous now than the approval from before.  “The penalty for a student breaking curfew is three days detention, not one.  That’s also in the manual but I guess you haven’t gotten to that part.”

“ _Verdammt_ , do I have to … “

“No, Jamie dressed them down this morning but said he’d keep the lighter punishment since it was the first offense for both of them.  I’ll take Bling this afternoon by the way.  She can help me install the new servers that just arrived.”

“I take it this means I get Mercury.”

“That’s right.  Good luck thinking of a punishment for her; Jamie’s not going to let the students scrub down the planes.”

Kurt sighed.  That had been his go-to punishment when teaching with the X-Men.  Now he was going to have to be  _creative_.


	4. Downtown

“Nightcrawler, grab your ride and let’s go.”  Kitty was already in uniform, white suit and red cloak on, with her mask in her hand.  Kurt supposed he was lucky that he had just finished training a class and was still in his uniform.

“Did something happen?”

“The PotUS just showed up, hours ahead of schedule.  The jerk didn’t even bother to contact anyone on our side.  The Specialist Protection Branch is there, but they apparently need a bigger name to salve his ego.  Captain Britain’s handling the flooding in Italy with the other members of Excalibur so it’s up to us to put on the show.”  They made their way to the garage and Kurt grabbed a couple of helmets for them.  Kitty stopped when he grabbed the helmets.  “MI-13 issued you a motorcycle?”

“Easier than trying to adjust to driving on the other side of the road.  I have used these things before if that’s what you’re worried about.  Give me your cloak.”  She passed both the cloak and the mask over and he stored them in the trunk.  A quick tap to activate the built-in communicators in their helmets and they were off.  Kitty briefed him on the mission while Kurt navigated the streets of London.  “ … more concerned with the Sentinels he’s bringing … “

It was surprisingly hard to concentrate on what she was saying.  Kitty had her arms wrapped around his waist and it was almost like he’d never broken their friendship at all.  As he maneuvered through the busy streets, she swayed and moved with him, old dance training and more recent combat workouts allowing her to adjust her balance automatically.  “ … really hate the guy.  I like our last President more.”

They finally got to the airport and quickly made themselves presentable.  As Kitty hid under cloak and mask she paused to look at him.  “Can you summarize what I just said to you?”

“We’re here to escort the President of the United States to his hotel.  We’re to answer any questions he asks us but we can do it in the vaguest and most obscure manner possible.  We especially need to watch out for the Sentinels he’s bringing with him.  If they take any action we deem hostile, we are fully authorized to destroy them.  If we enter combat and the opportunity arises, the President should be considered expendable, especially if it comes down to deciding between British civilians and him.  However, we are not to assassinate the man ourselves but ‘accidents’,” here he mimed the quotation marks. “-can occur if we have plausible deniability.  Oh, and you hate the guy and liked the previous President more.  Did I miss anything?”

The younger woman paused as she was pulling on her hood.  “Huh, and here I thought you weren’t listening to me at all.”

“I’ve had a lot of experience with unclear orders and having to decipher them.”  In front of them, the plane finished taxi-ing and members of the Specialist Protection Branch ran up with the movable stairway.  When the orange menace came down, Kitty stepped up but didn’t offer a bow or to shake hands.  “Good day, Mr. President.  My name is Shroud and I’m a holder of a Presidential Medal of Freedom … “


	5. Jeepers Creepers, Date Peepers

“Well, this is awkward.” Jamie and Meggan glanced over. In the spirit of more inter-organizational cooperation, the X-Men and Excalibur had agreed to a brief three-month exchange of personnel. So Faiza and the Black Knight were off to Winchester and Excalibur received Dazzler and Angel in return. Everything had gone well until Kurt had shown up.

“We’re not,” Dazzler’s voice could have cut bone, it was so sharp. “Expected to work with  _him_ , are we?”

“Er, no?” As a matter of fact, they weren’t. As part of the profiles that Cyclops sent over, he’d included the instruction that except for end-of-the-world emergencies, they would not be working with Kurt Wagner. “Did I miss something?” asked Jamie.

The indigo man ignored them. “Kitty will be here in a minute, she just had to wash off the grunge from our last mission.” And from the smell coming from Kurt, the ‘grunge’ was probably a lot of blood. That wasn’t a good sign.

Fortunately, Jimmy and Kitty showed up at that moment. The other two X-Men lit up and brushed past Nightcrawler like he didn’t exist. Dazzler even pulled the younger woman into a tight hug. “Kitty! Have things been good so far?” Then  _sotto voce_ , “How are you handling the monster anyway?”

“He’s been remarkably well behaved. So I’ve had Excalibur prepare a single room for the two of you. Is that alright or will Jimmy here be clearing out another bedroom on the fly?” The four X-Men went past Jamie and Meggan. Kurt said nothing, simply turning around and heading for the gym.

Meggan and Jamie exchanged glances. There was an interesting story they were missing here.

* * *

“You  _kidnapped_  her? No wonder Dazzler wants nothing to do with you.” Meggan glanced at the bottle in Kurt’s hand. The German probably wasn’t drunk but he was definitely depressed.

“I already apologized to everyone involved in the incident. What I’d really like is to do something to make up for my behavior before but I don’t know how. What do you give a kidnap victim to make them feel better?”

“The kidnapper’s head on a silver platter,” said Kitty heartlessly.

“Kitty … “ Meggan drawled warningly.

“Meggan,” Kitty replied in the same tone. “You weren’t the one who rescued Alison from him. If Alison doesn’t want to forgive him, we can’t force her to.”

“Wait, you’re the one who rescued Dazzler?” Meggan looked back and forth between the two newest Excalibur members. “And you still agreed to work with him when you transferred here?”

“He used to be a friend. I wasn’t quite ready to simply throw him out on the street. Then again, I wasn’t the one kidnapped, so I’m certainly not going to force Alison to deal with him.”

“Why’d you kidnap her anyway?” The blonde looked at the indigo man.

“I wasn’t in a very good place at the time. I’d pretty much burned my bridges with my best friend over his homosexuality. I was taking Banshee to enhance my mutation. Alison nearly died on a mission. I thought I could at least keep her safe. And I was so lonely.”

“And instead you lost everything.” Meggan sighed. She actually sided with Kitty on this issue but she desperately needed something to take her mind off of Brian. Maybe she could spare some time to help them out.

* * *

“Meggan, how’d you get them to take the tickets in the first place?” asked Kitty, peeking over the roof with a pair of binoculars.

“I told them it was a little extra thank-you on my part. Compensation for being willing to be near … well,” The blonde made a vague gesture to Kurt. He made a face but didn’t argue back. “Still, I’m a little surprised. Worthington likes  _punk rock?”_

“No,  _Dazzler_  likes punk rock. She had a band before she joined the X-Men. Worthington likes pop rock and country but he doesn’t feel as strongly about music as she does.” Kitty passed the binoculars to Meggan and slid down to sit on the floor. “People, why are we here? This is honestly creepy and stalkerish.”

“I’m here because I want to see how their date goes if they had a good time.” The older woman peered through the glass.

“ _Und_  I’m here to make sure the two of them aren’t bothered. England’s better to its mutants than the US is but there are still mutaphobes out there and Warren isn’t hiding his wings tonight.” Yellow eyes narrowed at Kitty. “What are you here for?”

“To make sure neither of you does anything stupid.” She closed her eyes and sighed. Meggan checked the time. “It’s almost eight. They’d better start moving if-no they’re coming out of the club now. They must intend to walk to the restaurant.”

“And there’s a guy with a Humanity First armband. Give me a second.” Kurt disappeared in a cloud of golden smoke.

“Don’t kill anyone,” hissed Kitty although he was already gone.

Another few minutes and he was back again. “I dumped him into the Thames, albeit close enough to an access ladder so he can climb out.”

“Dear God, thank you for giving Nightcrawler a sense of restraint. It’s a few years too late but better late than never.” The Jewish girl offered a prayer of thanks.

“Come on, you two, we need to follow them.” Meggan grabbed their hands while Kurt teleported them to another rooftop near the restaurant.

“Meggan,” began Kurt. “Is this your favorite restaurant?”

“No,” she said. “Brian and I liked Indian food better. But Angel and Dazzler are American, so I thought a Chinese Restaurant would be more familiar. Besides, Lee Ho Fooks is famous.”

“I’m getting hungry,” complained Kitty. “I didn’t eat before we did this.”

Kurt looked around. “There’s a street vendor selling fish-and-chips on the corner there. I could bamf down and bring back dinner for us.” Both women made a face. “Kurt, I’m surprised no one’s told you this before, but brimstone isn’t really an appetizing smell. I’ll fly down and get us something.” Meggan waved off any offers of payment and quickly jumped off the building, leaving Kitty and Kurt to watch the couple.

“Why didn’t you tell any of us?” Kitty wasn’t looking at him, instead watching her friends talk.

“I … well, first it was because of Piotr. You were all siding with him and while you were right, I resented all of you. Then … you were in mourning Kitty. I couldn’t dump my problems on you like that. By the time you were out of it, you’d gone off to Utopia and were with Jimmy by that point. Maybe I should have tried harder to keep in touch with you. But I stand by my decision. You had the weight of the world on your shoulders and you didn’t need me to add to it.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t as good a friend as I should have been.”

He snorted. “You rescued Dazzler after I kidnapped her. You supported Piotr when I wouldn’t. Maybe you weren’t perfect but you were a better friend than I was. Oh, they’re coming out!” They had to move just as Meggan came up with their dinner.

“What are they doing?” wondered Kitty.

“I don’t know,” Meggan whispered back. “I only got them into the club and set-up the reservations. Everything else is up to them.”

The spies followed the lovers until they were crossing the Millenium Bridge. There, Warren took Alison in his arms and kissed her. His wings came out and with one powerful stroke, they were in the air, still kissing. Kitty hastily grabbed her to co-conspirators (why was Meggan trying to take pictures!) and pulled them away from the bridge. “Well, I think we can say the date was a rousing success. Now let’s give these two some privacy.” Meggan groaned but Kurt silently wrapped his arms around both of them and teleported back to the home base.


	6. One More Night

Nightcrawler slammed the door of the gym shut, walked over to the punching bags and started hacking at one of them with his swords. Jamie, Rahne, and Jimmy all looked over at the indigo man. “What’s gotten into him?” asked the Scottish girl.

“I don’t know and I don’t like that. But based on how he’s acting, I’m not sure it would be safe to ask,” responded Jamie.

“I’ll go,” Jimmy volunteered. “He probably can’t do enough damage to kill me before you can restrain him, Captain.” The blond American walked up to the German, hands up carefully beside his head to show he meant no harm. “Kurt? Is there something-”

“S _cheiß drauf, du schwienhund hurensohn!”_ The subsequent swing nearly took Jimmy’s head off and he backed away quickly.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! What’s this all about?”

“You had your chance with her,  _pisskopf,_ let someone else make her happy now!” There were really only a few ‘hers’ that both Wolverine and Nightcrawler knew, and most of those were on the other side of the world right now. “This is about Kitty, isn’t it?”

The assassin didn’t say anything but turned back to destroying his swords.

“Okay. I know this isn’t about me, because I this is the first time I’ve seen either of you today. Is this about the people SHIELD sent over to help us? I don’t think she knows any of those people either.” Kurt had finally worn himself out or just got too depressed to continue. “Was one of them flirting with her or something?”

In an exhausted voice, Kurt finally said something understandable. “The woman, Jessica Drew, Spider-Woman or whatever her name is. Turns out she’s Peter Parker’s clone.” Before Jimmy could ask, the assassin continued. “With all his memories.”

* * *

Today had been frustrating. First the woman, Jessica had pulled her into a close hug before introductions even started. Then Nightcrawler had stormed off half-way through the mission, declaring they didn’t need him. He was right, they didn’t but it wasn’t like him to just leave like that. Then Jessica had requested that she speak to Kitty in private.

“I’m sorry. I know this must be awkward for you.” The private conversation had somehow turned into a starlit picnic, on the far side of the island. Kitty tried not to feel uncomfortable. The last time she had done something like this, it had been with Peter before everything had gone to hell. The memory was intruding in her present, tainting both somehow.

“It’s a nice picnic. Very romantic. But Jessica, I don’t swing that way.”

The younger brunette nodded. “I know. I just wanted …” her voice faded away. “Look, I need to explain something to you. I’m … not a real person.”

Kitty stared at the other girl. “I don’t understand. You’re sitting with me, right here, right now. Are you saying you’re a ghost or a hologram?”

Jessica chuckled but the sound lacked any humor. “A ghost maybe. What I actually am is a clone. A clone of Peter Parker.” She turned towards Kitty. “A clone with all his memories.”

“Ah.” The silence was heavy and oppressive. “I don’t mean to be rude, but that doesn’t make you the same person.”

“Yeah. I just … he’s got a lot of bad memories, you know.”

“I’m not surprised. I feature in more than a few of them I bet.”

“A lot of bad memories, but a lot of good ones too.” Jessica turned to watch the lights play over the coast. “At the end of things, most of the good ones were about you.”

“Jessica … you can’t let those memories define you. You’re you, not Peter. I can’t emphasize this enough.” Then  _sotto voce_. “No matter how much I miss him and want him back.”

“I know. I’m not Spiderman. I’m not even a boy. But the memories … they feel incomplete. Like he never got a chance to end things properly with you.”

“He died,” said Kitty dryly. “I’m not going to hold that against him. I knew he would have stayed if he could have, but it wasn’t his decision to make.”

“He’s never going to get a chance to propose. Never going to get that June wedding, the house with the white picket fence and the two kids.”

Kitty barely managed to choke out, “I dreamed of those things too. Sometimes I still do.”

“I just … I just want one more night. One night to pretend that everything’s alright, that everything’s okay and that all those dreams are still possible. One last chance to kiss you goodbye and smile when you walk away. I have to be Jessica forever. Give me one more night to be Peter and say everything he wanted to say to you.”

This probably wasn’t healthy for either of them. But Kitty still missed Peter and maybe she was weaker than she made others believe. “Alright. There’s a lot of things I wish I had gotten to say to him too.” She reached out to take Jessica’s hand.

The other also leaned forward, then hesitated. “May I ask you a question? If you weren’t … if I was … could we have?”

Kitty’s smile was sad. “I’m afraid we’ll never know. Maybe it’s a good thing that life can’t go down that path.” She wove her fingers through the other girl’s and leaned against her shoulder. “Now, the last time we did this, you were describing the constellations to me.”

* * *

Kurt crawled along the ceiling until he reached Kitty’s room. From a shadowed corner, he watched Kitty and Jessica kiss deeply, Kitty’s arms around Jessica’s shoulders, Jessica’s arms wrapped around the Jewish girl’s waist. They parted and Kitty whispered some words to Jessica. Then Spider-Woman walked away and Kitty watched her with a soft smile on her face that made Kurt’s heart sink. Only when the younger girl turned the corner did Kitty enter her room.

Kurt wrestled with his conscience before losing the battle and teleporting in. “Augh! Kurt! What the hell are you doing in here!” Kitty had taken off her shoes and sweater but hadn’t gotten undressed any further.

He ignored the question. “So, how was your date?”

She calmed. “It wasn’t really a date. More a memorial or maybe a therapy session. A chance to trim some loose ends and say goodbye properly. I never got to do that with Peter and she never really had a chance to escape from his shadow while he was alive.” Kitty sat on her bed. “It hurt a lot, but I think it was good for both of us.”

“So you’re not going out again?”

“She did ask. But no, we’re not doing this again. Peter’s gone and he’s not coming back and we both needed to accept that.” She looked up at the assassin. “So what did you come here for? Probably not just to check how my date went.”

He debated, then dropped down onto her bed, doing a flip in the air to orient himself properly. “You may get a complaint tomorrow. I got into a fight with Hudson.”

“Jimmy? He’s pretty easy-going, what did you get into a fight about?”

Kurt waved his hand. “That’s not really important. It wasn’t really about him, just me being in a bad mood and taking it out on everyone. We worked it out sparring in the gym.”

She raised one skeptical eyebrow at him. “Okay, it’s probably good that he can regenerate otherwise some of those wounds would have taken months to heal. But there was nothing inherently fatal. The problem is I pretty much went off on him, called him every insult I could think of. Jamie was watching the whole time. He may call you into a disciplinary hearing about me tomorrow.”

Kitty thought about this for a while. “You say you didn’t try to kill him?” Kurt nodded. “And Captain Britain was watching the whole time and didn’t interfere?” Another nod. “How does Jimmy feel about this?”

“He was on the defensive the whole time but that was by choice, not because I was overwhelming him. Hudson could have struck back and ended the fight much sooner. After the fight, he said it was alright and he understood that I needed to get some stuff out of my system.”

“If Jimmy’s not going to press charges, that does take some of the pressure off you. And if Captain Britain was watching, I’ll take your word that the fight wasn’t serious enough to warrant an intervention. Are you worried about what you said? Was it like what you said to Piotr?”

“Similar but not as harsh. Jimmy didn’t seem to take it seriously.”

She looked at him with narrowed hazel eyes. “You’re lucky Jimmy had such a stable upbringing. If you had hurt him as badly as you hurt Piotr, he’d be hard to stop.” Kitty closed her eyes and thought about it. “I don’t think you’ll be court-martialed or expelled from Excalibur. But be prepared for some pretty awful missions in the near future. Jamie will also probably revoke some of your privileges as an officer.”

Kurt nodded. “That’s about what I expect too. I just wanted to warn you before Captain Britain springs this all on you.” He shifted and got up off her bed to pace. “The second thing I want to tell you is that I nearly kidnapped you today.”

“Oh my God Kurt, there are so many things wrong with that statement.” Kitty pinched the bridge of her nose. “Okay, let’s take them one by one. First, I’m glad you’re being honest with me and given that you didn’t actually do it, I won’t report this to Excalibur. So you don’t have to worry about that.”

The assassin let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Katzchen. That means a lot to me.”

“That leads me to the second point. Do you have any idea how wrong things would go for you if you kidnapped me?”

Kurt nodded. “First, unlike Dazzler you have a very good reason for not believing me since I’ve done this before. Second-” he raised his hand to count off the reasons, then realized the futility and let them fall to his side. “Unless I strapped an inhibitor collar on you while you were unconscious, I’d have no hope of keeping you isolated. And since doing that would be a sure-fire sign something was wrong which would cause you to fight back. Not that you’d win that fight,” he side-eyed her. “But it would defeat the purpose of kidnapping you in the first place. And third, it would break my parole and I’d be dismissed from Excalibur.”

“You would not be dismissed, you would be collared and imprisoned and that’s only if the Captains were feeling merciful. When I said this was your last chance, I meant it, Nightcrawler. There are too many governments demanding for your head for this to end well. If it gets bad enough that you’re dismissed you’ll be heading straight for a cell and probably execution too.”

“Oh.”

“Yes oh. I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that Xavier mind-whammied quite a few politicians to get you to the X-Men. There’s no one left to do that now and you are not worth the political capital it would burn if you slipped up that badly. Are we clear?”

“ _Ja, meine Dame_.”

Kitty took a few breaths to get her temper under control and let Kurt regain his own equilibrium. She didn’t want to push him into another breakdown. Finally, she spoke again. “I don’t know why you’d want to kidnap me anyway. You only did it to Alison because she had been so badly injured in that mission. I’m completely healthy.”

“Badly injured and because I was in love with her and jealous that she chose Angel over me,” he corrected her.

“Yes, and you’re not in love with me.” He was silent. “You really aren’t.”

“I was in love with you long before I loved her.”

“What?”

“You were young enough that I never said anything. Then you were with Spiderman, then he died and then Hudson. The time never seemed right and I tried to get over you with Dazzler.” He snorted. “We all saw how well that went. But if it makes you feel better, I don’t think I could have hurt you the way I did her.”

Yellow eyes looked at the shocked expression on Kitty’s face. “Look, I really didn’t mean for you to find out this way. I’ll give you some time to think this over. You can tell me to go to Hell or whatever tomorrow.” With that, the indigo man bamfed back to his room, cursing himself internally. Well, there went another friend he could cross off the list.


	7. Mirror Image

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a crossover with my Amalgam!verse AU and also published in that collection of stories.

“Well, you’ll need to stay with someone and the guest rooms up here on the station aren’t really designed for long-term use. They’re pretty much rooms people can pass out in and sleep off their injuries. I suppose we could put the two of you in cells.”

“We’d prefer if you didn’t do that. Neither of us take confinement that well and our escape would probably cause more problems for your organization.” Shroud had taken off her mask and pulled down her hood but for all Dark Claw could read on the girl’s face she might have still been covered from head to toe. Her bodyguard, an indigo-furred thing that exhaled clouds of gold smoke with every breath growled. He’d been the one fighting off the JLX until Shroud had ordered him to stop.

“Huh. I’d put you in the guest rooms of my civilian identity but the whole place is getting fumigated from the last attack. Fucking Abominite,” he muttered the last part.

“We’d be fine staying in the guest quarters of the station. It would not be too different from staying in the barracks back home.”

“Are you sure about that? The fumigation’s going to take about a week and I’m pretty sure it’ll take us longer than that to get you two home.”

“It’s inconvenient, but apparently there’s nothing to be done.” Shroud stood, red cloak draping over her like a waterfall of blood. “Thank you, by the way, for your ‘Ask questions first, shoot later’ policy. I should warn you that the courtesy probably wouldn’t have been extended if the situation was reversed.” And didn’t that just pull at the heartstrings. Even more, since it seemed a genuine observation and not an attempted play on his sympathy.

“Well, maybe there’s one guy I’d trust you with.”

* * *

“A change of clothes, some bedding, and quite a bit of cash. Very generous for Dark Claw.” The man Dark Claw had sent Shroud and Nightcrawler to was tall, black-haired, blue-eyed and stunningly athletic even through the suit. He definitely didn’t seem the type to go running through the streets dispensing vigilante justice in spandex. Shroud really wanted to ask how the two of them knew each other but kept her mouth shut. Dark Claw had made them aware that their freedom was contingent on their good behavior and fishing for information probably would get them stuck on the satellite for the rest of their stay here. “Did he say how long we can expect you to be with us?”

“He said he’d have the others look into it. But we’re only staying with you for a week, after that he said he’s going to move us into guest rooms with his civilian identity.”

“I wonder why he didn’t want you staying on the satellite.” The man, Kurt Ryder, walked over to a rather expensive looking car and pulled open the trunk. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to sit in the back. I’m picking up my girlfriend from the airport.” So they tossed their things in the trunk and climbed into the backseats. When they got to the airport, apparently Ryder’s girlfriend had already arrived and was waiting for them. She was a tiny thing (Ryder picked her up and tossed her in the air easily when they met) with golden-brown hair done up in pigtails and big blue eyes and looked about twelve. Well, maybe that was bias on their part.

“Dark Claw sent them over. Apparently, he doesn’t trust them around the satellite and he can’t put them in the mansion because it’s getting fumigated.”

“I heard about Abominite’s attack. And he trusts us to deal with them?”

“Probably less trust, more the fact they won’t have access to any dangerous technology from my apartment.”

Well, that wasn’t very reassuring. After Colombina had cooked them all supper, they made sleeping arrangements. Unfortunately, while a very lavish apartment, it was still only an apartment. Ryder unfolded his couch into a bed but there was still only one guest bed. “I’m not sure how comfortable the two of you are sleeping together. I’ve had multiple guests over before but they’ve all been friends at the least.”

Shroud put on her ‘public relations’ smile and said, “No, this is fine. We’ll stick a pillow in the middle as a barrier.”

When they’re hosts had gone to bed and the two of them had shut the lights off, Shroud started a conversation with Nightcrawler. “Ryder implied that the JLX doesn’t trust us, but then why send us to stay with a civilian?”

Kurt didn’t look at her, scanning the dark room for any possible threats (or listening devices). “Isn’t it obvious? I guess this version of Wolverine has a sense of humor.”

Shroud sat up. “This version of  _Wolverine_?”

Wagner nodded, then remembered that she couldn’t see in the dark. “He does a good job of hiding behind that mask but those sideburns are unmistakable. They are exactly the same as Logan. I suspect though I can’t confirm, that Kurt Ryder is a version of me. I’m not sure about Colombina, maybe she’s some version of Alison?”

“So there’s at least one version of you that got her.” Shroud’s voice was completely neutral, neither encouraging nor mocking nor jealous. It left Wagner on unstable ground.

“I’m over her. You know that.”

Before they could continue the conversation, they heard voices from the bedroom. “Hush, darling, you’ve got guests in the next room. They’ll hear us.”

“Like I care. I don’t get see you often enough to waste any of our time together.” It was quiet when they heard a soft giggle followed by a loud moan. “Darling please … “

“You’ll just have to be quiet then.”

Kurt turned away from the wall and covered his ears with his pillow. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

After Colombina had cooked breakfast, the two dimension-hoppers were left alone. They’d taken the opportunity to catch up on their sleep. When they woke up around lunchtime, they saw a note with money on the table. It was a list of good restaurants in the area and told them that the other two would be back by dinner. Shroud and ‘Crawler took the opportunity to look over every inch of the apartment. “I think Ryder might be a reporter,” announced Kurt, over by his host’s desk. “I’ve got a lot of socio-political information and character portfolios here. I’m sure people would pay a fortune for this stuff but it’s completely useless to us.”

“I suppose if we need to get some cash on the fly, we can take them with us.” Shroud was exploring the kitchen. “He’s got a lot of prepackaged stuff in the cabinets. Except for the stuff we bought last night on the way from the airport. And this stove looks almost unused. I think our esteemed host doesn’t cook.”

“I’m not sure how that’s relevant. Neither of us can cook either.”

A beat of silence. “So, instant ramen, frozen microwave dinner or should we go out to eat?”

“Let’s try to keep a low profile for now”

* * *

“I apologize for keeping you waiting so long. The damage from the battle was quite extensive and we could not even begin to sift through the data until it had been cleaned up.” Mr. X was a bald, green-skinned alien who was the only permanent resident on the JLX station. Shroud had taken one look at him and immediately disliked him. Nightcrawler couldn’t blame her, he looked very much like the late, unlamented Professor X and not even the assassin missed his old mentor. And Nightcrawler had never even been mind-whammied by the telepath.

“The good news is that I’m sure we can eventually get you home. The bad news is that it will take several months, maybe even a year.” The alien looked over at the two dimension-hoppers standing there. “Unfortunately, with the Dr. Ultime Chronos dead, his machine destroyed, and the computer he left his notes on short-circuited-” He leveled a glare at Shroud. She flushed but kept a calm expression on her face. It had been phase through the computer or get shot by a laser and she hadn’t been confident about surviving the laser. “We’ll need some time to duplicate and validate the process he used to pull things between dimensions and reverse it.”

“Anyway, that’s where you come in.” He turned his gaze to the two natives who had accompanied the travelers. “Or rather, just you Colombina. Nightcreeper, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, like I wanted my  _liebchen_  to come here alone to face all those bullies in the hall?”

“We’re not living a high school special, ‘Creepo.” It had been weird to realize that yes, their hosts were, in fact, part of the tights-and-spandex brigade. When the summons had come from the JLX, he and Shroud had grabbed their things, ready to head back to their world at a moment’s notice. Colombina had gone into the bathroom and changed. Her harlequin-patterned blue ballerina outfit wasn’t that bad, especially in comparison to what Kurt Ryder had done. A quick pull of what had looked like a nicotine patch from his arm and the man had sprouted fangs, a tail and green fur. He hadn’t bothered to cover up afterward, apparently, the giggling maniac felt a bright red boa, gloves and pixie boots of the same, and a deep green speedo constituted an appropriate outfit. Wagner had suddenly become a lot less certain of the other man’s identity after seeing his fashion sense.

“The point is,” said Mr. X, getting the conversation back on track. “Colombina, you’ve got the best track record of data recovery among the reservists. I’d like you to focus on extracting data from Dr. Chronos’s servers.” The blue-clad girl nodded and began looking over the notes Mr. X passed her. As her attention drifted away, Mr. X wheeled around to look at Shroud and Nightcrawler.

“I understand that this is an inconvenience to you. I hope there won’t be too much trouble.”

“Nothing to be done about it. I’m sure it won’t be a problem at home.”

“No, it will be a problem,” the indigo man disagreed, speaking up for the first time. “We disappeared while in Washington, DC. When Excalibur investigates and the US government has no answers, it could very well lead to war.”

A chill seemed to descend on everyone (except Nightcreeper who’d grown bored and was now haunting the corners of the room). “Excalibur wouldn’t risk a war for me,” stated Shroud after licking her lips.

“No, they wouldn’t,” agreed the German. “But now EU has several reasons to want to attack the US. You wouldn’t be the cause but your disappearance would make a fine excuse. In fact, we’ve probably already been gone too long.”

Mr. X cleared his throat. “Well, you’re in luck then. One of the few pieces of data we’ve managed to decipher indicates that the machine Dr. Chronos created could adjust the time items were grabbed from or returned to. Once we’ve assembled and understood the machine, we could probably place you back in your dimension within an hour of the time you were abducted.”

“That would solve the problem,” admitted Wagner.

“Indeed. So please relax while you’re here. Perhaps treat it as a vacation.”

“We’ll think about it,” said Shroud.

* * *

“She’s certainly very intelligent if a bit creepy.” Colombina smiled down at Margaret Braddock, who was starting to yawn. “Do you know if it’s a side effect of being part-Kryptonian?”

“I don’t think so.” Gloria Mundi, apparently this universe’s version of Meggan Braddock carefully rocked her daughter into sleep. “Brian said he and Tatsu weren’t like that. It must be a mutation, like Tatsu’s psychic knives.”

Shroud had been pressed into acting as Colombina’s assistant in recovering Dr. Chronos’s notes from the computer. It had been hoped that her own background in computer systems would help but it had quickly become clear that the shorter woman was far more knowledgeable. The brunette had essentially been reduced to being a gofer and doing whatever brute force coding the other needed. It wasn’t a fun job but at least this way she could keep track of the JLX’s progress. That being said, she didn’t begrudge the other woman a break. Colombina was working hard and wasn’t trying to conceal anything she was doing.

The dimension hopper still stayed out of the conversation. It was surprisingly painful to see another version of Meggan, happily married with a baby daughter to take care of. Meggan had confided that before Jamie Maddrox’s attack on Parliament, she and Brian had been looking forward to getting married and starting their own family. Seeing just how wonderful their dream would have been if it had come true and knowing that her Meggan would never have that … it was almost as painful as when she had pretended for one night that Jessica was Peter and all their dreams were still possible. Shroud didn’t think she could participate without lashing out and these two didn’t deserve that.

“How about you and Ryder, Colombina? Have you considered starting a family?”

The smaller woman shook her head. “No. In fact, I still haven’t checked if my reproductive system actually works or not. I mean, I do get periods but that doesn’t mean that everything’s fully functional after all.”

“You haven’t checked? Does that mean the two of you decided against having any children?”

“Not exactly.” Colombina raised her hand and wiggled it in the air. “It would be more accurate to say that we’re leaving it up to God and Chance. We’re not making any extra efforts to have kids but we’re not taking any steps to prevent them. If I do end up pregnant, we’ll cross that bridge when it happens. If it never happens, well, it’s not like we don’t have lives and goals that have nothing to do with kids.” Colombina turned blue eyes to Shroud and tried to involve her in the conversation. “What about you Shroud? Got a boyfriend or girlfriend back home to start a family with?”

The auburn-haired girl finished up the stack of data she was entering before answering. She decided to nip this line of questioning in the bud. “Not currently in a relationship now. And with my second boyfriend, we didn’t get that far. I did dream of having children with my first boyfriend but he was murdered before that happened.”

Catching the hint, the other two women turned back to their conversation. The blonde fluttered her hands a little, searching for words. Finally, she settled on something to say. “I’m glad you’ve stopped obsessing over your injuries, Kitty.”

“Yes, things got a lot less stressful after we decided this was not something worth worrying about.”

Shroud filed that information away but was more interested in another part of the conversation. “Wait, you’re name’s Kitty? I thought you were called Colombina.”

Blue eyes looked confused at her. “Oh right, we never got formally introduced. Colombina is my alter ego alias. My real name’s Kitty Pryde. Why do you look so shocked?”

“No, it’s just-” Shroud shook her head. “My name’s Kitty Pryde too. I would never have guessed I was your counterpart.”

The pigtailed woman looked up at Shroud, taking in the short, auburn hair, hazel eyes and other myriad differences that made them look like two entirely different people. “I wouldn’t have thought that either. We don’t look alike at all!”

* * *

Wagner froze by the kitchen sink. He had gotten up to get a drink of water when he heard the door open. It took a few seconds to recognize his hosts’ voices and realize that Ryder and Colombina had come home from that function Ryder was supposed to attend. In the dark room, they must have missed his presence because they walked right by him.

They turned on the lamp in Ryder’s room and Wagner could see them silhouetted by the light. He should have looked away, should have given them their privacy but chose not to. Their relationship was probably as close as he would ever get to being with Kitty and he stole what moments he could get by watching them.

Colombina’s hands rested lightly on Ryder’s shoulders as she stood on tiptoe to kiss him. As the embrace grew more passionate, he pulled her up off her feet easily, then pressed her into the lintel. Colombina’s wrapped her legs around his waist and he easily supported her with one arm. Ryder stepped into his room and shut the door behind him.

When Kurt returned to the sofa, he initially thought Shroud was asleep. Then she stirred, rolling over to look at him. The expression on her face made him freeze. “I don’t think either Ryder or Colombina would appreciate your voyeurism.” Unsaid went the fact that Shroud also found fault with the fact he was spying on their hosts’ relationship. It had been awkward enough when they thought that Colombina was Dazzler’s counterpart. It got ten times worse when they realized she was Shroud’s.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

She turned her back on him. “I won’t say anything if they don’t. But don’t do it again.”

“I won’t.” But even as he said that he knew he’d probably break his promise.

* * *

“I hadn’t realized you were so famous.” The new dimension ripper was nearing completion, so the four of them had decided to take a night off. They were watching some award ceremony on the West Coast. Apparently, Ryder had won a few journalism awards, although they were being collected by his agent since he hadn’t wanted to go.

“Infamous would be more accurate,” said Colombina. “He’s notorious for asking terrible questions on live TV during his interviews. I don’t know how this guy gets people to keep showing up for his programs.” She punched her boyfriend lightly on the shoulder.

Ryder smirked. “It’s precisely because I’m so tough on them. They know if they can get through my interview, their’ reputation or that of their company will soar. CEOs, lawyers, politicians, they all come on my show thinking they’ve prepared themselves for anything. It’s my job to surprise them, to attack from unexpected angles and drag the truth into the public eye.”

“And how many people actually manage to make it through one of your interviews?” asked Shroud skeptically.

“More than you think! Also, not all my interviews are live so the editors sometimes get to them.”

“Maybe you should try what he does,” Nightcrawler said to his version of Kitty.

“I only wish I could get away with that,” she replied wistfully.

“You’re also a reporter?”

“No, a celebrity.” Seeing as she wasn’t going to elaborate, Nightcrawler butted in. “She’s pretty much  _the_  spokesperson for mutants in the US back home. She even got the Presidential Medal of Freedom for helping save the world.” He turned to look at Shroud. “Alison would have killed to be half as famous as you are.”

“She can have it. My every move was scrutinized, every statement put under a fine-toothed comb for meanings and innuendo. And God forbid a mutant commit a crime or violent act, people immediately would blame me. And that doesn’t count all the stalkers and death threats.”

“Sounds like you got the worst of it. But surely you’ve been taking advantage of what you got to try to improve things.”

“I have to do that whether I want to or not.” They paused to watch another speaker present an award. "I don’t know how you get away with being so honest Ryder. Some days it seems like I spend hours biting my tongue, reminding myself of how many people it would be in danger if I just told one leering politician to fuck off and keep his eyes in his head.”

“I suppose I come from a different angle. I ask myself how many people would be hurt if I didn’t make what I know public.”

“At least your making money off it?” piped in Colombina.

“I wish I was. But saving the world doesn’t come with a paycheck in our world. I actually had to move and join a European military specialist group so that I wouldn’t be broke all the time.”

“That sucks. Even newbie teams like the Misfits get a stipend here. You can’t concentrate on saving the world if you’re worried about making rent.”

“The JLX set it up. Not everyone gets one, for example, both Dark Claw and I make enough money with our regular jobs to cover our expenses. We’re also lucky enough that our schedules are flexible so that we can do the vigilante thing.”

“Most of the Misfits, on the other hand, are still in some form of schooling. Some people might be able to handle superheroing, taking classes and a part-time job … but if it wasn’t for the stipend, I’m pretty sure Martenitsi, Ferro Man and Aconite would have left the team.”

Shroud and Nightcrawler stared at their counterparts in surprise. The brunette got a thoughtful look on her face. “Actually, that’s a bit like what Excalibur is doing, albeit on a much smaller scale. And of course, we have to answer to the EU, which the JLX doesn’t seem to do?”

Ryder nodded. “The JLX is specifically an NGO. We end up paying dues to the UN, but our funding is private specifically to prevent us from being too influenced by any one country.”

“Maybe a bit like the X-Men. Maybe Cyclops could spin his next funding drive that way. The school is one thing, but if he could actually pay people for risking their lives … he might not have to depend so heavily on a few volunteers.”

“Or he’d be turning the X-Men into the mercenary group the President accused them of being.”

“There are rarely any easy answers to those types of questions,” agreed Ryder. “That’s another thing you should take the time to think over while you’re here.”

* * *

“You’re an assassin?”

“I was an assassin. Now I do a lot of computer and Internet security for a living, and assist as part of the Misfits superhero team on a regular basis.”

Wagner looked Colombina up and down. “You don’t  _look_  like an assassin.” Colombina was tiny, at least a handspan shorter than Shroud, with big blue eyes that made her look at least five years younger than her actual age. Which in hindsight probably made her very effective.

“What do you expect an assassin to look like then?”

“Well, like me. I was part of Department K for about six years as Weapon XVII.”

“Department K exists in your world too? I was Weapon XXIV.”

A pregnant pause filled the air as he stared at her. “How long were you part of Department K?”

“Three years. The Hyena rescued me.” The name meant nothing to him and she didn’t elaborate. “Do people shun you for what you did?”

“People do shun me, but not for my background.” He grimaced, teeth highlighted by gold smoke against his indigo fur. “I, er, made several mistakes and hurt several people among the X-Men. I’m trying to make up for them now but some of them are … unforgiving.”

Blue eyes drilled into his face. Times like this, it was easy to see that Shroud and Colombina were actually the same person. “Not that their reaction isn’t called for. But I had to leave the X-Men for Excalibur due to the fallout.”

“Hmmm.” She turned back to the computer, where a CAD was displayed on the screen. “But how did they treat you before that?”

“They were very kind. I guess I was one of the more sociable members. I had a lot of friends.”

“Good for you. I wouldn’t say I have a lot of friends among the JLX but the ones I do have are great.” More typing. “How … did you deal with being in Department K?”

“I may have had a disadvantage, compared to you. When they kidnapped me, I only spoke German. So they had an easier time isolating me. If it wasn’t for the X-Men, I’d probably have never gotten away. There wouldn’t have been any place to run to.”

“I bet they didn’t try to rape a new specimen into you.” Well, no they hadn’t. Maybe if he’d been part of the project longer they would have considered continuing it but it had not gotten that far when Department K was dismantled. “But what I meant was, how did you deal with all the killing?”

“I … didn’t care? How many people did you kill?”

“I’m not sure. Sometimes there would be long periods of time between fatal missions, sometimes they’d send me to a compound and I wasn’t able to keep track because I was too busy trying to stay alive. Somewhere between fifty and a hundred.”

“Oh. I’m not sure myself. But more than you. A lot more.” He cleared his throat. “Most of the time, I didn’t even know their names. My handler would give me a photo and a blueprint and off I’d go. After the trial, I went and looked up the few I remembered. Some of them deserved to die, so I don’t feel guilty about those. Most I don’t remember well enough or I couldn’t find. Some of them definitely didn’t, and those I do feel guilty about.”

“I remember all my targets. It’s the ones on the side, the ones I’d kill on the way who I don’t have clear memories about. Those are the ones I feel most guilty for.”

“Given the types of missions I was assigned, that’s an awful lot of guilt.” Wagner sat back and thought. “Would you do it again?”

“What?”

“If the JLX asked you to kill someone, would you do it?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation in her answer. “If it came down to self-defense, I’d kill someone. If there was a person who was a lethal threat and that person could not be neutralized in any other way, then yes, I’d kill that person. Fortunately, neither of those scenarios have occurred since I joined the JLX, although there have been a few close calls.”

“And you can’t tell yourself that you had no choice?”

“There was always a choice. I could have allowed them to kill me instead.”

“That wouldn’t have stopped Department K. If it wasn’t you, they would have just gotten someone else.”

“I suppose. And it was my testimony that caused the department to be decommissioned.”

“That’s certainly a good way of finding meaning in your suffering.”

“Is that what you do?”

“No. I honestly don’t regret what happened to me very much. It was unfortunate and I certainly would rather have been an acrobat rather than an assassin. But I don’t have the feelings of guilt and responsibility crushing me down the way you seem to.”

“So how do you feel?”

He paused to think about it a little. “Proud, maybe. I didn’t know my targets or the people who got in my way. I didn’t care about them. But being able to subvert the security systems of major compounds, to defeat the multitudes that got in my way, that’s quite an accomplishment. If Excalibur asked me to do it again, I would without any guilt or hesitation.”

He looked over at her. Colombina was staring at him, wide-eyed and her face had gotten even paler. “Nightcrawler, that’s  _monstrous_.”

“Not really. There are people who’ll do much worse for even less reason in my world.”

“Here too. But they don’t delude themselves thinking that they’re heroes for it.”

“It’s a matter of perspective.”

“It really isn’t.”

Wagner took a deep breath and sighed. “I’m afraid we’re just going to have to agree to disagree then. What’s your progress on the dimension ripper?”

Colombina started then turned to her diagram. “I needed to get some parts custom-made, so assembly will have to wait until those arrive.” She seemed to recover, but Nightcrawler noticed that she never left her back open to him again.

* * *

“ _Auf Wiedersehen, kinder!”_

Nightcreeper blew a kiss to the two people standing on the platform. Colombina, also in costume, waved to Shroud and glared at Nightcrawler. Shroud, already masked and hooded, waved back. The indigo man just frowned at both of them.

When the light from the teleportation died down, the two remaining Misfits turned away. Colombina opened up a panel and started to disassemble the machine, taking care to remove key components before sealing it back up. The green lunatic just talked at her, mouth going a mile a minute. “Such a cute couple! Reminds me of us a few years back. Except for more hang-ups and less humor! So dour, both of them! Do you think we could visit them in their home?”

“Maybe if there’s a reason too.” Colombina straightened up and removed her mask. “She could do better.”

“So mean,  _liebling!_ What about me?”

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “You could do better too.”

He just laughed again and swept her up in a kiss.


	8. Letters

_Past_

“Katz-” Kurt froze at the glare the Jewish girl gave him.  “Kitty, then.  Kitty, if you could name only one thing Piotr would want in the world, what would it be?”

To his surprise and relief, she actually took the time to consider his question, rather than blowing him off the way pretty much everyone else in the manor would.  “Honestly?  To contact his family back in Russia.  He can’t go back without Interpol and Excalibur arresting him.  He can’t write a letter because their communications are being monitored.  Same with phone calls.  Not to mention they had to move in case they were targeted by the Mafiya.”

“What about an email?  Or those new web camera things that are coming out?”

“Did you forget we’re being monitored on this side too?  I wouldn’t want to give our government any strings to pull like that either.”  She fidgeted on the couch.  “Actually, I know someone who probably could locate his family if I asked.  But it’s not going to do anyone much good here in the US.  We’d have to do something like hand deliver the letter in order to be sure it got to them.  And that might give their location away.”

“Oh.  So much for that idea then.”

“Why did you ask?”

Now it was his turn to look away.  “I want to do something to make up for the way I behaved earlier.  Giving Colossus and Dazzler what they want most seems like a good way of showing my sincerity.”

Kitty went back to her book.  “All Dazzler wants from you right now is for you to stay away from her.  So give her the space she needs.  No letters.  No accidentally running into the halls to plead your case.  No gifts.  You were creepy enough with the kidnapping.  If she wants to talk to you again, she’ll do it on her terms.”

“As for Pete … an apology would probably be a good starting point.”

* * *

_Present_

_“_ So you and Katya are moving to Bonn?”

“London actually.  We’ll be joining Captain Britain’s division and he’s obviously not based in Germany.”  Kurt closed one box and taped it shut.  Yellow eyes looked around.  That was enough for today.  He still had the rest of the week to empty out his room.

“So what did you want to speak to me about?” asked Piotr.

Kurt sat on his bed.  “I want to know you have any letters or photographs or gifts you want me to deliver to your family.”

The Russian scowled.  “Is this some sort of joke?”

“Not at all.  Kitty said she knew someone who could locate your family and since both of us are going to Europe, we have a much better chance of passing something along.  I can’t guarantee they’ll get these things but we’ll try.”

The taller man frowned at his feet.  “You’re not leaving until the end of the week, right?”

“ _Ja_.”

“I’ll give the two of you something before then.”

* * *

_Future_

_“_ Any word on some transport, Captain?”

Jamie Braddock jumped down from where he was on top of the ancient Soviet excavator.  It was an interesting piece of machinery, something his father and deceased brother would have loved.  He’d have to grab some pictures for souvenirs (maybe).  “I did.  Unfortunately, it looks like we’ll have to wait for a supply caravan to get here with some fuel.  I could probably fly back straight, but that would be cutting it a little close for the suit’s own energy supply.  Not to mention it would essentially leave you here stranded.”

The indigo-man nodded.  “Way too far, even if I split it into multiple jumps.  Did they say when the next supply run would be?”

“It should arrive tomorrow.  Even if it doesn’t, the local authorities have paid for our hotel stay for the next few days.  It’s no Savoy given the backwaters we’re in but it’s adequate.”

“A hotel, not the base?”

“There’s no way any Red Army Commander is ever going to let a member of Excalibur wander through their base freely.  Russia isn’t part of the Excalibur Initiative and they play their cards close to their chests.  Hell, it must be pretty galling that they had to ask us for help in the first place.”

Kurt hummed an agreement and thought for a while, clinging by his toes to a metal fence on the side of the road.  He was lucky it wasn’t winter, that would have been painful.  “I’ll meet you at the hotel in a few hours.  I’m going to walk around a bit after I grab something from the Blackbird.”

“Nightcrawler, what are you doing?  We really do not need to tick off the Russian government right now.”

The German just waved airily.  “Nothing like that.  The family of a friend happens to live in this town.  I thought I’d drop off some letters for him.”  Jamie squinted at him, clearly aware of who Kurt actually meant, although neither of them was stupid enough to mention names.  “Just, just stay out of trouble!”

“ _Jawohl, meine Kapitan_.”

Actually, it took him a couple of hours just to find the place.  It’s not that little hick towns in Southern Siberia (especially ones that only have farming and a military base to them) are especially big, but a lack of familiarity can make a maze out of anything.  He finally knocked on what he hoped was the right door.

The girl looked like the photograph, aged a few years.  More importantly, she definitely looked a bit like Colossus, with her high cheekbones, the shape of her face, and her summer sky eyes.  She was also rather tall, taller than him even.  Wanting to make a good impression, Kurt took a step back and dropped into a flamboyant bow.   _“Dobryy den’, prekrasnaya deva. Menya zovut Kurt Vagner. Ya drug Piotr Rasputin. Budet li eto rezidentsiya Rasputina?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That sentence was probably the only Russian Kurt knows, so I'm sure the conversation with the Rasputins must have been very interesting.


	9. Lord of the Rings

“Hey, do you remember this?” Kurt typed in a few commands in the Danger Room control center and the room shifted into a lush temperate forest. Kitty looked around. She patted a few trees, scuffed the ground underneath her and dipped one hand in the water. “Everything looks good,” she said. “The updates pushed through fine. And no, I don’t remember this? Should I?”

Kurt teleported out, leaving the control room empty. Kitty had a brief image of Jamie freaking out, reminding them to always have a spotter. The German bamfed in front of her, dressed in a cosplay outfit. “Fair Kitten, the dragon will not breathe another breath of hellfire as long as your trusted Legolas-”

“Oh, this scenario,” Kitty sighed. It had been a long time since they’ve done this before she had even gotten together with Peter. Back when Piotr and Kurt had still been friends.

“No nostalgia for you?”

“I’ve always liked Eowyn more than Arwen. The films haven’t changed my opinion.”

“Is that why you didn’t want to be rescued?”

“No, I didn’t want to be rescued because I had a lot of homework that evening. Aaannddd I don’t like being a damsel in distress. I’d rather rescue myself.”

“Oh.” He fiddled with the bow and arrows he had brought.

“Don’t let me stop you if you want to play. I’ll watch from the control room.”

“But it’s pointless if you’re not here.”

“Kurt . . . “

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just … I wondered if we could go back to those days. Before I screwed everything up.”

“We can’t. Time moves in one direction only and without the knowledge we have today, we wouldn’t do anything different so it wouldn’t be worth it.” She settled on an illusionary stump. “Why this scenario in particular?”

“Oh, um, when Piotr and I came up with it, it was an attempt at getting you to like me.”

She stared at him but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. “You were trying to woo me by rescuing me from a fake dragon?”

“ _Umwerben? Freien?_ Is that what ‘woo’ means?”

“’Woo’ means to court someone. To make someone partial to something or someone.”

“I guess so. It clearly didn’t work but I thought there was some hope.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Well, you did call me cute when you left. Piotr said that cute is good.”

“I suspect I was being sarcastic at the time.” She stretched hands over her head and back arching. “It wasn’t a bad idea. But it was bad timing on your part. I might have played along then if I didn’t have something more urgent to do.”

“You have some free time now.”

“You really want to get me in that stupid corseted dress, don’t you?”

“Well, you did look very good in it.” He peeked at her from the side of his eyes (not that anyone would be able to tell).

“I don’t know about that. That dress was itchy and uncomfortable.”

“Would it help if it’s not the same dress?”

She turned to look at him fully. “Why are you so bound and determined about this?”

“It can’t be because I want to be a better person?”

“That wouldn’t explain why you feel the need to seek out my company all the time. It’s one thing to make things up to Piotr and Alison. I’m not one of the people you harmed.”

“I couldn’t stand the thought of you being out of my life. I just had to have you. You can understand my reasoning for that right?”

“No, not really.”

“Let me put it this way. We were friends before. You’re one of the only people who are still willing to be friends with me. And I’m in love with you.”

“I’m having a hard time believing it.” Kitty sighed. “I don’t want to think about this right now. Give me the dress, but I’ll be damned if I stand in one place while you get to slay the dragon.”

The blue dress was easier to move in than that white frock.

* * *

“I think you set the difficulty too high.”

“ _Nein, nein_. I’ve got this,” panted Kurt, teleporting away from the dragon’s fiery breath. “Just give me a few seconds to get in the right position … “

Kitty flinched as another blast went past her, just missing the pole she was tied to. “Please hurry, it’s getting awfully warm in this pit!”

“Phase out then!”

“I can’t! Your stupid orcs used adamantium chains to tie me up!”

Kurt absent-mindedly made a note that apparently Excalibur-Britain had adamantium chains as part of its inventory. Learn something new every day.

He bamfed over the dragon’s head and tried to slice through his neck. The sword rebounded of its scales and he was sent into an uncontrolled spin. A quick teleport got him down on the ground and he rolled to a stop at Kitty’s feet. “Great work, Legolas.” She commented dryly. “Now how are you going to kill that thing?”

“Why in the tried and true method that Tolkien’s dragon slayers used!” He pulled out his bow. The dragon opened its mouth and inhaled. Carefully aiming, Kurt fired an arrow into the dragon’s mouth. Or rather he tried to. Of all the armaments Weapon XVII had ever mastered, bow and arrow aren’t any of them. The shot ended up nowhere near the dragon’s mouth. Not at all discouraged, Kurt pulled another one from the quiver and fired again. Closer this time.

“Kurt now would be a good time to use the override!”

“It’s under control, Katzchen!” Shot after shot. Finally, one hit, not into the dragon’s mouth but its eye. It reared back and loosed a fiery beam into the sky, clawing at its face. Rather than try that again, Kurt turned to Kitty and freed her, carefully teleporting a few links of the chain away so she could pull loose from the pillar. “Don’t I get a kiss,  _madchen_?” he teased.

“Ask me that  _after_  the dragon’s dead.” Kitty helped herself to one of his swords. “Get me up over his head.”

“As you wish!” Kurt teleported them over the flailing dragon. Kitty pushed away, increasing her density as she fell. She’d been aiming for the other eye, but an errant movement pushed her away so she settled for landing on its back and slashing its wings to shreds. Her movements were uncoordinated but at least she knew which end was which.

Grounded, the dragon continued to howl. Kurt, who had bamfed back to the ground after letting go of Kitty, took it upon himself to start shooting arrows at it again. Unfortunately, even immobilized and blind in one eye, the dragon was still quite dangerous. It growled, then bit down, taking the indigo man in one bite.

“Kurt!”

The dragon paused. Then it convulsed, writhing around and forcing Kitty to take to the air to avoid being hit. As the last of the death throws subsided it fell to its flank and its mouth gaped open. Inside, Kitty could see Kurt. He’d stabbed upward with his other sword when the dragon had chomped down on him and managed to pierce its brain. As he crawled away from the corpse, Kitty carefully stepped down to help him up.

“I think we’ve both had enough for today. Next time let’s do something easier, like ‘Pirates of the Carribean’.”

“I don’t think fighting a kraken would be any simpler than fighting a dragon but otherwise good point. Computer override,  _schmetterling_. End program: ‘Rescue the Princess’.”

Kitty glared at him when she heard the name. Kurt just shrugged. “Piotr picked it out, not me. So now that the dragon’s dead … “

The younger girl burst out laughing. “Have you seen yourself? You’re covered in dragon brains! Go take a shower and maybe I’ll consider it.”

Kurt put up a small amount of grumbling but inside he agreed with her. He hadn’t expected Excalibur’s Danger Room to be quite so realistic. He’d nearly lost his grip on the sword when the dragon snapped him up and started drooling on him. The German couldn’t wait to get clean.


	10. Interlude: Release the Kraken!

“You know, I could have helped you if you hadn’t locked me up.”

“No, I’ve got this!”  Kitty dodged a tentacle and raced to the other side of the boat.  Kurt yanked on the shackle again.  He couldn’t believe he had fallen for her trick.  “Besides, you got to kill the dragon last time, it’s my turn!”

She hacked at a few tentacles that tried to cling to the ship.  “Have you considered setting it on fire?  There’s a lantern over on the left there.”

“If the computer throws more tentacles at me, maybe then.”  She turned around and then got slimed by the kraken’s beak.  “Ugh,” she tried wiping off some of it but was fairly unsuccessful.  “I thought we were playing Pirates of the Caribbean, not Nickelodeon reality TV.”

“Well, since you’ve gotten slimed, it’s only fair you get to kill it now.”  Kurt resisted laughing at Kitty but couldn’t keep the smile off his face.  “If it makes you feel better, you still look nicer than Keira Knightley.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere.”  Kitty grabbed the lantern the German had pointed at earlier and used it to light the cannon beside her.  Ultimately it didn’t do all that much damage, but the aquatic beast slipped below the waves again.  Unfortunately, more tentacles came up.  Kitty opened up the lamp and threw the remaining oil over the tentacles before setting them on fire.  In the meantime, Kurt relaxed his muscles, rubbed his hand in the spilled oil and tried to free himself from the mast.

Finally, Kitty grabbed a trident.  She stood on the rail of the deck, carefully aimed, then jumped off, with the point aimed at something below her.  She must have hit something because the ocean started boiling.  Tentacles shot out of the water and lashed out over the deck.  One smashed the mast to splinters, barely missing Kurt’s head when he ducked.  They grabbed the ship and tore it to pieces, dropping the German assassin into the ocean.

Kurt tried to swim upwards but was hindered by the costume he was wearing.  He stripped out of his coat, lost the hat and eyepatch and boots, then dropped his swords as quickly as possible then shot towards the surface.  Breaking the barrier he quickly gulped air.  “Kitty?”

Just as he was starting to get worried she popped up beside him, having lost the bandanna keeping her hair back.  “Kurt?”

“What happened?”

“I increased my density and stuck the trident through the creature’s eye.  I don’t think it’s dead but it did run away.  Does that mean we win?”

“The ship is destroyed.  I’d call that a draw.”  They trod water for a few seconds.  “I think we’d better end the program before the sharks start showing up.”

“You added sharks to this scenario?”

“It was appropriate.”  He would have shrugged but they were still in the ocean.

Kitty sighed then raised her voice.  “Computer override: Verdigris.  End Program: The Death of Jack Sparrow.”

As the water drained out, Kurt made a face at her.  “The Death of Jack Sparrow?  No fair, at least he got a kiss before the end.”

Kitty just laughed at him.  “Yes, but you didn’t get eaten.  So it balances out.”

“I would have preferred the kiss.”


	11. Chapter 11

 “Right here?”

“Ah, yes!”  Piotr cringed as Kitty ran her hand down his back.  “I think it’s the new ammo belt,” she said.  “It must be pinching a nerve or something.  Want me to rub it out?”

Piotr had enough experience with American innuendo to snigger.  The younger girl blushed and whacked him lightly on the head.  “You know I don’t mean it that way!”

“Bobby always had field day with you, Katya.  You made it too easy for him.”  The Russian stripped off his shirt, then lay face down on the couch.  This was a familiar experience for the two of them, started back during Kitty’s first year at Winchester.  Piotr carried a lot of tension in his back and shoulders and often needed a helping hand after a mission.  Kitty’s ballet lessons left her feet swollen and sore and she too wished for some relief from the pain.  A chance encounter in the local mall while looking for similar sets of rollers had evolved into a shared hobby while they were both at the Institute.  

Kitty pressed one hand along a shoulderblade but Piotr yelped.  “Aiee!  Katya, your hands are freezing!”

“Sorry, sorry!”  She found Piotr’s paraffin bath and switched it on.  When the wax had heated enough to melt, she dipped her hands in it and waited for them to heat up.  She looked around the room for a bit.  “Got a preference for the oil?”

“Hmm, pick any you like.  Did you find anything new and interesting in England?”

Kitty made a face, before choosing a bottle with a citrus label.  “Not really.  I had to throw out some of my scented stuff though.  Too distracting on a mission with Wolverine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I did keep a few.  Vanilla, lavender and the peppermint.  I use those when I’m not on call.”  After applying the oil to his skin, she sat just above his waist and started running her hands over his back.  People who had heard about this hobby were always surprised.  Sure, Piotr had huge hands and was probably decent at it, but Kitty?  She might have been small and a little cooler than average, but she was good at applying just the right amount of pressure in the right areas.

The brunette studied the panoply of muscles in front of her, then put all her weight, on one hand, to press firmly on a spot diagonal to the shoulder blade.  When they had first started this, she’d taken it as an opportunity to flirt.  But once Piotr had told her that she wasn’t his type she’d backed off.  That had strengthened their friendship considerably, allowing Piotr a safe spot to talk about things with her.  It proved invaluable a few years later, given what Kurt did.

“Hmm, I’ve been meaning to talk to you alone for past few days,” Pete mumbled into the cushions of his couch.

“I thought you might have.  You’ve been dropping pretty broad hints.  What’s on your mind?”

“First, how have things been with Nightcrawler?”

She stopped for a second.  “Okay, I guess.  He’s been making an effort to make up for what he did.”  Kitty took the opportunity to ask him a question she’d been pondering for a while.  “Were you really trying to set us up before all the shit hit the fan?”

“Is this about LOTR Danger Room scenario?  Because then yes, it was.”

“That seemed a little … odd?”

The tall man snorted.  “You weren’t person who had to listen to him pine.”

“Still, the age difference-”

“He’s only year older than me!  And you had no problem flirting with me.”

“Good point,” she conceded.  Kitty poured more oil on his back and started doing long, vertical strokes.  “Still, I’m surprised I didn’t know.  I thought he was just being friendly back then.”

“Is NIghtcrawler’s big problem.  Everyone thinks him friendly, no one takes him seriously.  Not you, not Alison.”

“She takes him seriously  _now_.”

“Yes, but they are not friends anymore.  Is not good situation.”

“You’re right about that.  But we can’t hurry it along.  They have to adjust on their own terms.”

Kitty moved to do slow circles at the base of Piotr’s neck.  After a few minutes he started the conversation again.  “But relationship with Dazzler is not what I wanted to talk about.  Instead, I have favor I want to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“Can you get Nightcrawler to back off a little?  Ever since Bobby came out, he’s been trying to matchmake us together.”

“Oh dear God,” she moaned.  “Why on Earth is he trying to do that?”

“I think he’s trying to make up for what he did earlier,” the Russian said dryly.  “But just because we’re both gay, does not make us attracted to every other gay man out there.  Bobby is not my type.”

“Bobby’s not anyone’s type, except Rogue.  Yes, I’ll tell Kurt to back off.”

Puzzled blue eye glanced back at her.  “Who?”

“Kurt-oh!  That’s right.  The two of you still weren’t speaking.  Weapon XVII, aka Nightcrawler.”

“You mean he remembered his name?”

“Not really.  But as I pointed out, he needs a name for Excalibur’s paperwork.  He chose Kurt Wagner.”

The Russian thought about this.  “Piotr, this part is going to hurt for a minute.  Are you ready?”

“Just a second, I’m thinking about what you told me.”  Kitty leaned back, shifting to press one hand against her ankle.  She suspected she’d be getting pins-and-needles after this session.  “Name is very plain.  Not sure it suits him, but not my decision.”  Piotr relaxed his shoulders.  “Go ahead.”

She pulled on his right arm until it was resting against the back of the couch.  Then she pushed against the shoulder blade with one arm and rubbed against the tendons with her free hand.  After a few minutes of slow, steady breathing, encouraged by word on her part, she let him lie back down again.  “Better now?”

“ _Da_ , but that was really uncomfortable for a while.”  Kitty smoothed another few drops of oil into Piotr’s skin, then stood up.  Yup, there were the pins-and-needles.  “You better move around for a bit.”

The taller man did so easily, gracefully bouncing on his toes, then walking around the room.  Kitty was moving much more gingerly as she got feeling back.  “Katya, are you alright?”

“I’m okay.  But I think it’s time for you to return the favor.”  Piotr just laughed and moved to sit on the ottoman.  Once he was positioned well, Kitty sat back down, pulled off her socks and placed her feet in his lap.


	12. Last Kiss

Kurt had been looking forward to his first kiss with Kitty.  They’d been getting closer for a while now and even shared some kisses on the cheek or forehead but he still wasn’t entirely sure she saw him in that way.  After all, she kissed Meggan and Piotr and even Jimmy (and didn’t that sting) the same way.  But she’d only ever kissed Peter and Jimmy (when they were together) on the lips.  If he could earn the same, he’d finally know where he stood with her and this relationship would no longer be in Limbo.

As it turned out, their first kiss was somewhat spontaneous.  Piotr had been having a mild freak-out over his first date with Jean-Paul and ended up texting both of them a play-by-play.  After reassuring him that he had been fine and hadn’t monumentally screwed up at any point (at least as far as they knew), they had gone back over each and every funny moment.  Just as they reached the end, Kitty had leaned up and kissed him.

It was not Kurt’s first kiss.  He had shared a few with Alison before the kidnapping, and he liked to think he had learned enough to be fairly good at it.  So when Kitty finally deigned to kiss him, he wanted to make the experience as enjoyable as possible.  He pulled her closer, one hand on her back, the other wrapped around her thigh.  He sealed his lips over hers then slipped his tongue into her mouth.  The kiss was perfect … then she phased through his embrace.

“I-I’m sorry … could I use your bathroom?”  He nodded and she slipped away.  Kurt was left on the bed feeling resentful.  Had he been mistaken the whole time?  He thought they were growing closer romantically, but maybe Kitty had just seen it as part of rebuilding their friendship.  But she had kissed him  _first_.  Maybe she was the one who made a mistake.

He heard the sink turn on.  Now that was just adding insult to injury.  If she felt that strongly against a relationship between them, she should have just said something and not given him false hope.  When the younger girl came out, he was ready for a full, screaming fight with her.

“Sorry about that.”

“You know, Alison never complained about my technique before.”

“What?  Your tech- oh you mean the kissing.”  Kitty blushed.  Another time Kurt would have called it cute but he was in no mood to be that nice to her.  Before he could yell anything though, she interrupted him.  “Actually, I have no idea if you were any good or not.  I was more concerned with getting the taste of brimstone out of my mouth.”

Aaannnddd there went all of his anger.  He never really thought about the fact he was almost constantly breathing sulfur fumes.  After all, he was completely immune to them.  And Alison smoked, she probably didn’t notice anything either.  But Kitty didn’t smoke, drank very little and preferred mild food when possible.  He probably should have planned on having a breath mint or something before they kissed.  “Was it that bad?”

She side-eyed him.  “I don’t think I can kiss you on the mouth again.”

Oh look, the anger was back.  “We can’t be in a relationship because of that?  How shallow are you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve been waiting all this time for you to finally admit we’re in a relationship and now you want to break it off just because-”

“Whoever said we’re breaking up?  And we’ve been dating for a while now, haven’t we?”  The confused expression on her face finally made him stop.  Kurt had the feeling they were talking at cross purposes and he didn’t want to make the same mistake with her as he did with Piotr and Alison.  He needed to slow down and talk through this before another misunderstanding could occur.  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  The golden cloud that appeared nearly set him off again, but no.  He had more control than that.  “I think we need to talk about this relationship.”

One brown eyebrow tilted up and Kitty made a small circle with her hand, indicating he should continue.  “First of all, I didn’t think we were dating yet.”

“I was under the impression that the Danger Room session with the Kraken was our first date.  Why did you think we weren’t in a relationship yet?”

“Because, well, you never kiss me on the lips.  You kiss everyone, Meggan, Rahne, Piotr, on the cheek or the forehead or the hand, but the only people I’ve ever seen you kiss on the mouth are Peter and Jimmy.”

“You’re right that I only kiss them that way because they were my boyfriends, but usually that’s something that changed before the kissing.  I dated both of them for a few months before kissing them intimately.”

“Oh.”

“I suppose I should have said something but I thought you knew.  You’re the only person I do private Danger Room sessions with.”

Kurt supposed he hadn’t thought about it.  All of her other training in the Danger Room, she either had a spotter or was with multiple people.  Even back with the X-Men, the two of them had always been with Piotr or Warren or Alison.

“I guess if you think my kissing someone on the mouth was an indicator of a romantic relationship, that explains why when I said I couldn’t kiss you anymore, you thought we were breaking up.”

“ _Ja,_ that would be the reason.”  He curled himself up on the bed, feeling like a fool.  If she didn’t hate him for earlier, she’d probably leave him now since he had proven himself such an idiot.  To his surprise, he felt a weight join him on the bed.

“Well, I’m still not going to kiss you on the mouth in the future.  I’m sorry Kurt, but you really taste terrible.  And since your breathing this stuff all the time, I don’t think a breath spray or brushing more is going to help.”  She pressed against him, a warm presence along his back.  “But that doesn’t mean I can’t kiss you elsewhere.”  To demonstrate, first, she kissed his hair, then nipped at the point of his ear.  That drew a startled gasp from the German, in response to the lightning that went down his spine at her action.  “Did you like that?”

“ _Jawohl, meine liebe.”_ He leaned back against her.

 _“_ Then I suppose you won’t object to me exploring further.”  She kissed down his neck, past his Adam’s apple to suck on his pulse point.  She drew back then, and he opened his eyes to look at her.  Kitty pulled one blue hair from her tongue then noticed him staring.  “Sorry, but it’s not that bad.  I should tell you about the time Peter accidentally swallowed one of my hairs while we were making out.”

“ _Danke aber nein danke_.  Not unless you want to really make me jealous.”

“Don’t worry about it.  You’re here and he’s not.”  For a second he thought she was going to start brooding, but instead, she went back to kissing him.  She’d reached his clavicle before pulling back again.  “Do you want me to stop now or shall I continue?”

Kurt desperately wanted Kitty to continue but he had to let her know something first.  “I want you to keep going, but before you go any further there’s something you should know.”

She leaned back to give him room.  “Alison and I, we never got much further than this.  And that’s the only real relationship I’ve ever been in.”

“Department K didn’t-”

“ _Nein_.  No time for it between missions.  So I do want to go further, just not all the way this time,  _bitte_.”

She smiled warmly at him.  “I understand.  And when you’re ready, I’ll be as gentle, alright?”  Kitty reached up and began undoing his shirt buttons.  “For tonight, we’ll leave your pants on, okay?”

“ _Ja, danke_.”  Realizing he hadn’t done much for her tonight, he reached up and started carding through her hair.  He got distracted as she opened his shirt and started peppering kisses over his chest.

It was going to be a long night but one of the best he’d had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the bad joke that provided 50% of the motivation of this AU.


	13. Anywhere But

_1\. Cheek_

“Thanks for the rescue, Nightcrawler.” Shroud punctuated the sentence with a quick kiss on the cheek. She hopped out of his arms, put her mask back on, and went out to help Captain Britain with the crowd of paparazzi that were headed towards Excalibur.

Kurt felt his face heat up but thankfully his complexion prevented anyone from realizing that he was blushing. He turned around to see the other members of Excalibur staring at him. “ _Was?”_

Jimmy spoke for all of them. “Dude, since when did you and Shroud start getting along again?”

* * *

_2\. Neck_

He’s finally got a lead on his past. A young circus performer called the  _Fleiderteufel_ , an acrobat who dressed in a devil costume and stopped performing about the same time he was kidnapped by Department K. That’s the good news. The bad news is that Jaime and Kapitan Deutschland had also uncovered evidence that he hadn’t been kidnapped, and in fact had been sold and possibly by his own family too. It was only speculation at this point but … “I suppose I should have been suspicious of the fact I can’t remember anything about them in the first place. Maybe I didn’t want to.”

Kitty pulled him into a strong embrace and kissed his neck, just to the side of his Adam’s apple. Kurt wrapped his arms around her and hid his face in her hair. He wanted to forget about the rest of the world, if only for an hour or two.

* * *

_3\. Eyes_

“Hey, sorry to interrupt you two, but Kitty? Jamie needs your help with setting up the new security system.” Kurt and Kitty had been watching ‘Sense and Sensibility‘ but while Kitty was still invested in the story, Kurt had lost interest a while ago. They were cuddled on the couch in Kurt’s room and he was on the verge of falling asleep.

“Alright, I’d better go rescue our boss before he screws it up again.” Kitty shifted and kissed Kurt’s closed eyes before getting up. “You can stop the movie if you want, Elf.”

“Hmmm.” When he had woken up enough to lift his eyelids, Kurt was surprised to see that Jimmy was still there. “Was there something else you needed?”

“No, I”m just surprised. She never did anything like that with me.” Kurt just nodded as the blond left but inside he felt a swell of glee. Now he had at least one thing that he knew Kitty had never shared with her other lovers.

* * *

_4\. Ear_

Kitty nipped the pointed tip of his ear, and Kurt moaned, barely stopping himself from rutting against her hip.

“Guys, there are children here. Go and get a room!”

Kurt caught his breath and tilted his head to look at the younger teacher. “Scott hasn’t assigned us any yet.”

Pyro rolled his eyes and tossed them a keycard that Kurt caught with his tail. “First room on the left in the guest wing.” Kitty tossed a grateful smile over her shoulder and quickly stood, pulling the indigo man up with her. “Thanks, John!”

“Repay me by being a good example to the students and stop making out in public!”

* * *

_5\. Tail_

_“_ Hey, would you let me try something?”

“At this point, I’d let you put a gun to my head without resisting.” Kitty laughed at that and ran her hand down his naked back. The last mission had involved a large amount of Nightcrawler contorting himself into odd positions, then having to stay that way for long periods of time. Even with his great flexibility, Kurt felt stiff and sore and had gladly taken up Kitty’s offer to massage the ache away. Right now he was feeling pretty boneless.

But that was changing quickly. The younger woman toyed where his tail met his back, gentle but firm. She started with long strokes, smoothing his fur down from his ribs to flow over the join. As she moved down, she switched to squeezing it gently, compress then release. The spade end danced in delight and Kurt let out a heavy sigh.

When she got to the end, Kurt wrapped the spade around her hand. Kitty laughed, moving one hand back to smooth over where his spine detached from the rest of his body, the other bringing the spade up to be kissed. She teased the end delicately, soft licks and nibbles that had his fur standing on end. Kurt switched from sighing to moaning as heat tingled around his body, then built in his loins.

Then Kitty slipped the spade fully into her mouth.

“ _Lieber Gott!”_ Usually, he treated his tail much like another hand, dexterous and useful but not really an intimate part of his body. Maybe it was because she’d prepped him so thoroughly but this was barely a step down from being sucked off. Her mouth was wet and so much warmer than her hands and the suction felt exquisite until he couldn’t resist anymore and erupted onto the sheets below. As he slowly came down from his high, he felt her release the appendage and go back to slow, soft strokes that helped ground him again.

* * *

_6\. Exhibitionist_

_“_ Thanks for grabbing the paperwork, Jamie. I’ll have this done for you by tomorrow.”

Kurt muffled a laugh into Kitty’s thigh, then focused on laving the nub at the top of her slit with his tongue. The contrast between Shroud’s cool, professional voice and the way her cunt got wetter and hotter was incredibly amusing. He slipped one finger inside and sucked hard on her clit. Her walls shuddered and clenched around the intrusion and more fluid spilled out, which he happily lapped up. “Ngh!”

“Kitty, are you alright?”

“Ah, uh, I’m fine. Just trying to suppress a cough. The air’s a little dry.” Without looking down, Shroud reached over to a side drawer and pulled a water bottle from it. She tried to bring her knees together, but the German was having none of it, instead lifting her legs to rest on his shoulders.

He thrust his finger into her again, sliding in easily as she’d already climaxed once. Kurt latched onto her clit and started purring, a low rumble that had her legs tensing to pull him closer.

“What’s that noise?”

“I think it’s the construction outside. I opened the window earlier to get some air.”

“I’m surprised you can work through the distraction.”

“It is a little hard.” He broke off and pulled away only to bury his laughter in her thigh. He was more than a  _little_  hard by this point, but that would have to wait until later. He went back to feasting on her cunt, but this time made sure not to make any sound that Jamie could potentially hear. Kitty was always more sensitive during the second round, it was only a few minutes later that he heard her moan and collapse across her desk. Captain Britain must have left then.

He was contemplating getting her off a third time, when Shroud reached down and pushed his head away. The frown she directed at him would have been more disconcerting if she hadn’t still had bedroom eyes from coming twice in a row. “You fink!” Amusement and annoyance warred in her voice. “Do you have any idea how difficult it is to talk to Captain Britain when I’m trying not to scream my orgasms?”

He licked her knee. “You’ll have to be creative with your punishment tonight then,  _liebling_.”


End file.
